Bring Back The True Aussie Bogan
Harmlessly celebrated as a larrikin hero and adored the world over, the once innocent ‘bogan’ has evolved into something more sinister.
It is no secret that Australia produces more bogans than any other country on the planet. In fact, we invented the bogan: an easygoing, beer-drinking, ciggie-smoking, footy-playing, working-class family man with an affliction for a flannelette shirt, a bet on the greyhounds and a stubborn AF plumber’s crack.
But gone are the days of proudly celebrating Australia Day without feeling the need to tell people your hottest 100 party and Bintang singlet is ‘ironic’. We are living in a time where a Southern Cross tattoo is a prerequisite for being a dull white dude desperately wanting to seem remotely interesting. We know that 90% of the time this guy also has the matching southern cross bumper sticker next to his charming “F*ck off we’re full” sticker on his 4WD. He brought these back from Kuta along with 25 Bintang singlets, a phallic wooden bottle opener, three bottles of duty-free Jack Daniels and an ambiguous rash around his pubes.
When did being an ignorant cretin become a marker of national pride? This new generation of bogans are so basic they think hating people with different coloured skin makes them tough. They celebrate their blissful ignorance of the world as a badge of honour and gain their opinions from a two-minute segment on A Current Affair. They have a delusional sense of entitlement to this country. They must have forgotten their ancestors were either; A) scabby scurvy infested convicts B) white colonialists hell-bent on slaughtering First Nations peoples, then successfully covering up genocide on a mass scale in the history books; or C) immigrants themselves who came on a plane or - wait for it - a boat.
We mustn’t allow this gross new generation of bogans to celebrate themselves as the iconic face of our nation; perpetuating this obnoxious stereotype as just a bit of fun and games is utterly damaging and insulting to decent, normal Australians.
Let’s bring back the legendary bogan of the 80s. He was admired and respected for upholding true Aussie values of mateship, a fair go, and irreverence.
He wouldn’t participate in race riots, cos he’d be down at Bunnings buying supplies for his latest DIY project. His idea of a good time wouldn’t be abusing foreigners on public transport, It’d be sinking a VB, eating a meat pie and watching the goddamn footy. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be afraid of people with brown skin, in fact, he’d be the one inviting everybody in the neighbourhood around for a Sunday barbecue and game of backyard cricket.
I call bullshit on these ratty new-gen bogan shitbags who are obsessed with spreading hate and fear and thinking its tough. Guess what mate? Wearing an Australian flag as a cape doesn’t make you a hero, it makes you a c*nt.